


All But Indifference

by Blue_Sparkle



Series: Locks and Keys [3]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Heavy Drinking, M/M, Relationship Problems, Some Fluff, thoughts about cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 04:11:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1968525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Sparkle/pseuds/Blue_Sparkle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nori and Dwalin's relationship is breaking and Dwalin doesn't know why or how to fix it. All he knows is that he'd rather have Nori hate him than be so utterly indifferent to him any longer</p>
            </blockquote>





	All But Indifference

**Author's Note:**

> set a little while before the events in 'The Lock'

There were things Dwalin had not expected to ever do again, or had never wanted in the first place. Things that never even crossed his mind ever since the day he and Nori had fallen in love and when Dwalin realized that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.

Getting drunk in some shoddy tavern and throwing himself at the next best pretty Dwarf or trying to get with a stranger was on top of that list of things Dwalin wouldn’t even think of attempting. 

Why would he even consider going out to drink to forget when he had someone who listened and comforted him with gentle and clever words? Why would he go out and flirt with anyone who wasn’t Nori? How could he even _notice_ potential flings and flirts when he was in love with the best Dwarf he had ever met, when his perfect love was already his?

And yet somehow Dwalin had ended up doing just that. Too much cheap ale and sour wine and too many hours later and all he was trying to do was to land the next best interested Dwarf. His head hurt and his sight was blurry, and he couldn’t even register who he was talking to.

It made him feel sick, sick and wrong in his bones. Not just because of the drinking either.

Despite all, he could not betray Nori. Could not do this to him, could not make himself want another.

It did not even matter that he wouldn’t be faithful, not with all they had shared breaking into shards, not with Nori barely even looking at him anymore. With Nori not speaking and hiding and keeping his secrets close and not even letting Dwalin touch or see him more than was necessary. Not like before, when he would smile and touch and watch Dwalin with a fond look, always.

Dwalin didn’t really know what changed or why Nori didn’t do any of these little things anymore. He was sure that he hadn’t done anything wrong, anything that would make Nori turn from him. Each explanation Dwalin could think of was either ridiculous or too painful to consider, and Nori never said a thing, leaving Dwalin to think of increasingly worse things.

Thinking about how _Nori_ might have been unfaithful was more painful that Dwalin was ready to admit, but it still was the most reoccurring explanation he had. Even when he couldn’t quite believe it. The thought of Nori smiling at another like he used to at Dwalin and his hands caressing another’s skin and hands that weren’t Dwalin’s all over him- 

Sometimes Dwalin didn’t know what he’d need to break to get his mind to stop lingering on these thoughts. 

He did not want to suspect it, but it was likely. 

He’d fight to keep Nori with him, to prove that he loved him and that what they had deserved a chance, that they could and would fix whatever it was that had made Nori turn away from him.

But _how_ was he supposed to fix things if he didn’t know what he had done wrong?

How could he show Nori that he loved him still, that he had never questioned his feelings if Nori didn’t let him show it? 

He avoided touches more often than not now, even casual ones that might be shared between friends. He didn’t listen when Dwalin spoke to him, barely said anything himself and didn’t even look at Dwalin most of the time. He was gone for too long and didn’t apologize with a kiss and a laugh as they usually did when they were busy.

It hurt him but still Dwalin questioned whether Nori had another, whether he was cheating but he could not prove it. He had even asked Dori whether his brother was dealing with something bad, something he could help him with. 

Dori had only sighed and said that Nori was quieter but didn’t speak of anything. Dwalin believed him in this, and he was sure that Dori would say something if his little brother was doing something wrong, and if he knew of such a thing as cheating. He liked Dwalin; he’d at least try to comfort him if he knew anything at all.

Dwalin had tried his best, had made sure to listen to every word Nori said, though those had grown less, and made him presents and made a point of spending more time with him, had gently asked him whether he was all right or tried to make comforting gestures, had told him that he loved him no matter what. 

None of it had gotten a reaction and Nori turned away and didn’t speak at all or only told him that nothing was wrong and that he was seeing things.

Dwalin had tried to be gentle and loving, had grown desperate and upset and tried to push for answers or give Nori space, never sure what was best. He had raged and argued and threatened and broken dishes on accident because his grip was too strong and it only ever earned him a silent glance.

Dwalin would never dare actually hurt Nori in anger, not when Nori himself was so passive and not fighting back and without weapons, he would not want to hurt him intentionally, but somehow he still thought about what would happen if he did. _Anything_ to just have Nori stop looking at him with a disinterested gaze.

Perhaps fighting and beating each other would at least get some sort reaction out of him, even rage and anger and a shouting match.

To have Nori say he hated him was beginning to look like a wonderful thing. If Nori didn’t love him anymore Dwalin wanted to have the opposite at least. He wanted to know that Nori was angry with him, furious maybe, wanted to be the one Nori hated with a burning passion. _Anything_ but that suffocating indifference. 

So Dwalin had done what he’d never even consider. Or tried to, at least.

He didn’t remember when he’d last been this drunk, didn’t remember the last time he had tried to drown his sorrows. Flirting was nearly impossible as well, though he tried his best.

The Dwarves in the tavern weren’t Nori, he couldn’t bring himself to care, he didn’t remember how to try and pick somebody up, he didn’t even want to remember. 

All this to make Nori jealous and angry and have him show some sort of emotions regarding Dwalin, yet all it did was making him more and more miserable. He thought about returning home and see Nori and Nori knowing what he’d done, as he always did, and it made him feel nothing but an ache in his chest.

He drank and tried to flirt and failed because they weren’t Nori, they weren’t the one he loved, their faces were too plump and their bodies too soft, their beards were intricate but all wrong and Dwalin couldn’t, though he tried to make himself.

Despite how much he was hurting he could not willing hurt and betray Nori like that. There was still hope and they were together, even if no attempt to fix it had brought results Dwalin shouldn’t be trying to damage what they had even more.

All of it was useless and even those few who seemed interested in Dwalin were nothing, he didn’t see them. He drank and he tried not to think of anything and make himself flirt back, fuck just someone, anyone, but he ended up drinking more and more and not doing anything.

It hurt and it was useless and Dwalin felt like he was nothing at all, and at one point he closed his eyes and when he opened them everything was dark and he was cold and hurting and lying in some alley.

He still could hear the noise of the tavern somewhere close by, and his head ached and everything was blurry but Dwalin still felt like he could make the way home, even in that state. He could get up and walk and not fall into a ditch and die. He didn’t want to get up though.

Everything was uncomfortable and painful and his skin felt too hot and there was pressure in his head that shouldn’t be there and a hole where his heart should be. Everything was too cold and he still felt too hot, trying to claw at his shirt and undo the buttons to cool down but failing. He was too alone, too miserable; there was nowhere he wanted to be.

“What have you done?”

The voice was soft and gentle, so quiet and sounding so so sweet to Dwalin’s throbbing head. It was a kind voice, a voice that promised comfort.

“I just…”

Dwalin’s throat hurt as he tried to speak, his tongue wouldn’t move right and he tried to blink up at the shadow above him.

“I saw you inside, I know.”

There were hands stroking over Dwalin’s shoulder and he chocked back a sob, failing and too drunk to keep it in. He didn’t deserve that gentle touch, not after what he had done and what he had tried to do.

“I didn’t do it! I tried, I couldn’t, I could never do that, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please…” he rasped out, and there were tears on his cheeks, or maybe just sweat or cold water, Dwalin couldn’t tell anymore and he didn’t care. “I couldn’t, I couldn’t-“

The hands were on his cheeks, cupping his face and the voice was shushing him gently, too gently really.

Dwalin didn’t deserve any kindness in the sate he was in, after how he had behaved and after what he had intended to do. Everyone had a right to turn away from him, his family could be ashamed and Nori… Nori could leave and nobody would blame him, least of all Dwalin.

“You are a fool,” the voice was still so gentle and the soft touch of those hands moved away from his face and Dwalin whimpered at the loss. Then the hands returned and he was dragged up, until he was standing, barely. 

Everything was still a blur and Dwalin struggled to keep his eyes open, but the hands were strong and led him through where it was quiet and Dwalin didn’t need to look, he followed and he was safe and the voice was still there, talking and asking him to hold on just a little while longer.

Soon they were in familiar rooms and Dwalin recognized his house. The hands helped him undress and took off his boots and gently and carefully helped him clean up, guided him to his bed and pulled the covers and pillows up and arranged them so that Dwalin was lying on his side, and was warm and comfortable as possible in his state.

Dwalin was alone, briefly, and it scared him, made him think of what he had done but then the hands were back and his head was cradled and a cup was brought to his lips, with cool and sweetened water. He drank it and it soothed his dry throat, and when he was done he was helped to lean back.

“My giant. So foolish,” the voice was too sad and full of regret and it should never be.

“I’m sorry,” Dwalin managed to say, “don’t leave” he whispered when the hands were gone for just one moment. 

Then they were back, stroking his face and his cheeks and brushing through his hair with gentle fingers.

“I’m staying right here with you,” the voice said, and Dwalin wished to believe it more than anything. “I’ll take care of you.”

Dwalin didn’t try to keep his eyes open after that, and just enjoyed the feeling of fingers combing through his hair and stroking his skin and let it lull him into a dreamless sleep.

When Dwalin woke the next morning, he knew that Nori was gone and that he’d be alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Dwalin has no idea what's going on, and he can't fix anything without knowing and he can't break what's left of the relationship without hurting himself...  
> sorry


End file.
